Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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