I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
