The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
