its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
