Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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