Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
