It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize