My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
