We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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