I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
