SEEEEXXX PLEASE
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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