it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
