Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
soo... how was my night?
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