quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
