i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
