My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
