Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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