im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
