I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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