Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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