so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
