There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How's work?
Spinning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
