Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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