Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
