i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
