Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
