he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
