if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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