if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
