Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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