"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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