I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
