I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
