Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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