I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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