that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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