We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
