dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
