What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As shirtless as possible
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
