He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
