If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
