If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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