You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
