yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize