Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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