making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
