he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
