He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
