question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
