She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
