so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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