Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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