sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
