You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
