woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You made out with two different species that night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
