it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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