I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your cock deserves a montage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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