yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
