so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
