he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
