the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
