Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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