i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
