I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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