its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
