So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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