i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize