Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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