just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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