you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
