These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
