"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
